


Have Yourself A Merry Torchwood Christmas

by bookwrm89



Category: Torchwood
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-04
Updated: 2012-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-28 21:04:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/312177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookwrm89/pseuds/bookwrm89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Torchwood team are invited to celebrate a traditional Earth Christmas by the Majistren – a friendly alien race that the team helped out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have Yourself A Merry Torchwood Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> post-S2, close to Christmas-time (firmly ignores any timelines in existence that this wouldn’t be possible).
> 
> This was written for the LJ Torchwood_fest Holiday Fest, based on a prompt by xrai_namere.

Ianto Jones barely blinked when the gilt-edged, thick, ivory envelope appeared on his desk in a flash of soft, gold light. From the startled exclamation emanating from the vicinity of Gwen’s desk, she wasn’t as blasé about the sudden appearance.

Only her mobile ringing cut off her tirade about inconsiderate aliens trying to give her a heart attack. Ianto had just picked up the envelope to see what the Majistren wanted this time when Jack came bounding out of his office.

“Ianto, we need tuxes, do you have one?”

“A tux? No, why?” he asked.

“Oh, you haven’t opened –.” Jack was cut off by Gwen.

“We need to Retcon Ruth again, guys,” she said, sighing.

Ianto rolled his eyes. “ _Again_? What happened this time? It’s not another Hoix, is it?”

“No,” Gwen replied. She waved the envelope that had appeared on her desk. “The Majistren sent one of these to Rhys, too. It materialized on Ruth’s desk. He’s doing the best he can to calm her down but she’s all for calling MI6 or Psychic Detectives – she can’t decide if it’s terrorists or poltergeist.”

“Ianto…” Jack began.

“On it.” Ianto made his way to the medical bay and unlocked the cupboard where they stored the Retcon. As he returned to the main floor, he heard Gwen ask Jack what the Majistren wanted.

“They want to celebrate an Earth Christmas and have invited Torchwood, and Rhys apparently, to join them as a thank you for helping them find their lost Crown of Tua’Ondian,” Jack explained.

“Given your earlier question, I’m guessing it’s a black tie affair?” Ianto asked, handing Gwen the Retcon.

“Yep,” Jack grinned. “Since it’s a Torchwood matter, what say we head to the shops and expense some new clothes?”

“After we stop by Harwoods and calm Ruth down, yeah?” Gwen reminded him. “And does expensing new clothes include Rhys, too? He could really use Ianto’s help in picking something out.”

Ianto sighed to himself when Jack agreed to include Rhys in their shopping expedition. A full afternoon of clothes shopping with captain 1940’s intergalactic playboy, the Welsh version of biker Barbie, and Rhys.

“I’d rather try to herd Weevils,” Ianto muttered as he followed the other two out the cog door.

######

Ianto straightened his bow-tie and smoothed down his burgundy waistcoat. Jack always said red was his colour, but Ianto actually preferred the darker colour.

His hand hovered over the collection of cuff-links on top of his dresser before finally settling on the velvet box he’d received from Jack on his last birthday. The onyx and silver cuff-links would look perfect nestled in the crisp white cuffs against the black sleeves of his jacket.

He would’ve preferred to get ready at the Hub with Jack, if only to make sure his lover actually wore the tux they’d gotten him this afternoon instead of his standard WWII garb. No matter how much Ianto loved the greatcoat, it was nice to see Jack in more modern clothes once in a while.

The Majistren’s invitation had specified that the team would be transported directly from their residences and when the alien race specified a location, they meant _only_ that location. If you weren’t there, they would consider it an insult and they might just decide to annihilate the city – or planet – where you lived.

Ianto was just shrugging into his jacket when he felt the increasingly familiar tingling along his body that indicated the Majistren transmat beam had locked onto him. He just had time to grab his billfold from the dresser before his vision whited out and he was fully engulfed in the beam.

When his vision cleared again, he saw that the Majistren had already brought Jack on board the space ship but Gwen and Rhys had yet to arrive. He spared a moment’s thought in relief that Jack was wearing his new tuxedo, and then Ianto’s attention was drawn to the stately Majistren that was moving to greet him.

He was eternally grateful for his ability to keep a straight face in light of extreme provocation when he got a good look at the alien. It had obviously tried it’s best to dress appropriately for the occasion and even Ianto had to admit that the dark green tuxedo it was wearing was the height of current fashion.

Unfortunately, the colour clashed horribly with the iridescent aqua blue skin that was predominant amongst the alien race. The fact that it was wearing a red fuzzy Santa hat on each of its seven eyestalks just completed the outlandish ensemble.

Ianto repeated the ritual greeting initiated by the alien and was then led to where his captain was holding court. He smirked just a bit at Jack’s slight pout when several of his companion’s eyestalks swivelled their attention to Ianto. He was surprised, however, to feel Jack’s arm slip around his waist in a possessive manner.

“Jack?” Ianto asked quietly while keeping a polite smile on his face. He couldn’t help but shiver when Jack nuzzled behind his ear. “Jack, have you been drinking peppermint schnapps again?”

Jack chuckled lightly and bussed Ianto’s cheek noisily. “Nope, just appreciating the way you look tonight.” He glowered at the alien that had greeted Ianto. “And making sure that Jar-Jar over there knows you’re not available for any…interspecies experimenting. I don’t like the way his fourth eye-stalk hasn’t stopped looking at your ass.”

“Why, Jack, I didn’t know you cared,” Ianto teased enjoying the faint blush staining the captain’s cheeks. “If you don’t like where the fourth eye-stalk is looking, you definitely wouldn’t appreciate where the third and fifth are staring.”

Ianto laughed at the faint growl coming from his lover and considered the alien in question. “He is quite fit. I wonder if he’s that shade of turquoise all over?”

“Ianto,” Jack began, he stopped and shook his head, laughing. “Gwen’s right, I am a bad influence on you.”

“Speaking of the inimitable Miss Cooper,” Ianto said, winking at Jack as Gwen and Rhys followed one of the Majistren into the room.

Gwen made a beeline straight for Ianto, moving so fast he feared for her ankles in the strappy heels she was wearing. _She must’ve taken lessons from Toshiko in how to run in heels,_ he thought, smiling sadly.

“Ianto,” she squealed as she enveloped him in a hug. “You look positively edible in that tuxedo.”

He watched fondly as she turned and cuffed Jack on the shoulder.

“And, you, Captain America,” she continued. “It’s about time you wore something in fashion from this bloody century.”

Ianto turned to greet Rhys as the captain and his second traded good-natured insults.

A Majistren waiter came past with a tray of drinks, followed quickly by one with hor d'oeuvres. Ianto was just reaching for a brightly coloured tea-cake on one of the trays when he heard Jack’s voice call out a warning.

“I wouldn’t eat any of those purple tea-cakes, kids,” he cautioned. “Human physiology doesn’t tend to react well to them.”

Nodding at Jack that he understood the warning, Ianto picked something else and looked around the room. The Majistren had gone all out with the Christmas decorations. It looked like they had decorated everything that hadn’t moved. And, after eyeing a few of the aliens mingling together, maybe a few things that did move.

The Majistren’s Tu’athida tapped a large crystal bell at the head of the room, drawing everyone’s attention to her. She made a short speech welcoming everyone to their celebration and presented Jack with an iridescent cube in a clear bubble as thanks for helping the aliens during their search for the lost crown.

Jack accepted the gift gracefully and, with the speeches done, escorted Ianto into the dining area. The team was seated as guests of honour at the Tu’athida’s table.

The first course was a salad of some kind. Jack made a small noise of delight and started eating with gusto. Ianto and Rhys began to eat a little slower while Gwen merely picked at her plate, only taking a mouthful now and then.

Conversation flowed easily around the table with Jack regaling the Majistren with tales of his travels with the Doctor. Ianto was surprised to note that Gwen wasn’t saying much; she was usually just as vocal as Jack only hers was more curiosity than attention seeking.

Ianto had been seated between Jack and the Majistren who had greeted him on his arrival. The alien’s name was Ku’chitryan although he insisted that Ianto call him ‘Ryan’.

He may have teased Jack about it earlier but Ianto had no intention of encouraging the alien’s blatant flirting. Especially since Jack, for all his apparent good humour, seemed to be taking offense to Ryan’s attention to Ianto.

Dinner proceeded with Ianto waging a silent war against both of his dinner companions. He skilfully avoided Ryan’s obvious attempts to woo him without insulting the alien and blocked Jack’s marginally more subtle attempts to stake his claim on Ianto.

Raised voices from the other side of the table provided him a respite, as all attention was drawn to the argument being voiced rather loudly between one of the Majistren and Rhys.

“No, it bloody well is _not_ a proper lasagne,” Rhys denied vehemently. “Lasagne has five main ingredients – noodles, cheese, meat, sauce and more cheese. None of which this travesty calling itself lasagne has!”

“The Majistren do not eat this meat of which you speak, Williams Rhys-ku,” the alien replied, taking a deep breath to continue berating the outraged man next to him – or possibly challenge him to a duel. Ianto wasn’t sure.

“Gwen, didn’t you hear me tell you _not_ to eat those purple cakes?” Jack’s voice broke through the argument and Ianto’s eyes moved to look at Gwen.

She had started the evening looking elegant in her short emerald green dress – makeup applied flawlessly and not a hair out of place. That wasn’t the case now, however. Her hair was still in place and her dress looked perfect, but her skin was another story altogether.

Ianto took in the dark purple blotches on her face, neck and arms and cringed internally. There was a look in her eyes, though, that gave him pause. Her gaze was totally focused on Rhys and the longer she watched him, the darker the splotches on her skin became.

“Gwen, love, are you feeling okay?” Rhys asked, concern permeating his entire being.

“Rhys the Rant,” Gwen murmured, swaying closer to her husband.

A snort from his companion brought Ianto’s attention to Jack, who was grinning widely.

“Well, well, well, who knew that conflict was what got our Gwen’s motor running?” Jack chuckled.

Ianto rolled his eyes, wondering how such an otherwise intelligent man could be so obtuse. Of course it was conflict that was the key to Gwen’s libido. Did he not remember her relationship with Owen? Or even Jack’s own complicated relationship with the woman?

“Right,” Jack said, clapping his hands together and turning towards the alien leader. “Tu’athida, it’s probably not a good idea to transport Gwen in this condition, but she can’t remain in public at the moment. Is there a private room where Mr. Williams can take his wife until this runs through her system?”

The Majistren leader had one of her aides escort Gwen and Rhys to the sleeping area on board her private ship and the rest of the party finished dinner and then moved to the dance floor.

Both Ianto and Jack were very popular dance partners with the Majistren but Ianto could see that Jack was getting very distracted as the evening progressed, only dancing with occasional partners and focussing most of his attention on where Ianto was laughing and dancing with his current partner.

Ianto was taking a break from dancing and having a drink when he felt Jack’s arms slip around his waist.

“Dance with me,” Jack whispered in his ear. “You’ve danced with everyone else, now dance with me.”

Ianto set his drink down and allowed Jack to lead him to the dance floor. Whether by happenstance or arrangement, Judy Garland’s _Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas_ began to play. Ianto suspected Jack had arranged it as he knew it was Jack’s favourite Christmas song.

Held in his lover’s arms, dancing slowly, surrounded by the trappings of Christmas and aliens, Ianto thought the night was as close to perfect as life in Torchwood could get. Then he turned his head and cursed when he saw the dark purple blotch on Jack’s neck.

“Bloody Torchwood.”

~fin~


End file.
